


Bear of Bitty Brain

by Metal_Chocobo



Category: Winnie-the-Pooh (Disney)
Genre: Abuse, Character Death, Gen, Gore, Serial Killers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1912317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metal_Chocobo/pseuds/Metal_Chocobo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>None of the inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Woods suspected that Winnie-the-Pooh was the Spine Snapper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bear of Bitty Brain

Due to his popularity as a silly old bear, none of the inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Woods suspected that Winnie-the-Pooh was the Spine Snapper. When he was arrested, everyone insisted that he couldn’t possibly be the serial killer, that it had to be somebody else. Still, after the bear was convicted the only words Pooh said were not a protest of his innocence, but rather “Oh bother.” -- _Hundred Acre Words_ (23 August 19--, p.1)

The first victim found was Rabbit. No one had ever truly liked Rabbit. He was always scolding people and chasing them off his property. Socialization was not his strong suit, as everything had to be done his way or not at all. Kanga said his controlling nature turned him into a bit of a loner. All Rabbit ever wanted to do was care for his well-tended vegetable garden in peace. However, everyone agreed that Rabbit grew the best carrots around and found the best honey. His neighbors were willing to put up with his abrasive nature, as Rabbit was the best culinary artist in the Woods, but only in small doses.

Probably no one would have even noticed he was gone for months, except Eeyore had a hankering for carrots one day. Unlike certain tigers that shall not be named, Eeyore was polite enough not to steal a handful of carrots from the garden. He knocked on the front door, which swung open revealing Rabbit’s mangled form.

The police were called in to the scene. The police report is filled with vividly gruesome details, but the medical examiner’s report on Rabbit gives a succinct description: 

_Victim appears to have undergone some superficial bruising. No laceration or ligature marks have been found. Cause of death is the severing of the spinal cord due to the removal of the vertebral column, which was then broken into the individual vertebrae, as if they had been “snapped” apart. Vertebrae C2 and C4 were not recovered and therefore not available for examination. The vertebral column was clumsily removed by hand using raw force with little regard to nerves or rib bones, as indicated by severe stress._

Eeyore was taken in for questioning. Since he was found with the body and there were no other suspects, Eeyore was the primary suspect. There hadn’t been a felony charge in the Hundred Acre Woods in recorded history, so the police were at a loss on how to deal with a murder.

After three days Eeyore was released from police custody. They would have kept him longer, but there was no evidence to directly connect him to Rabbit’s death. A tail was placed upon Eeyore, but it fell off.

A week later Lumpy the Heffalump’s body was found. Lumpy was a new resident of the Hundred Acre Woods, but he was greatly loved. Unlike most heffalumps, Lumpy just liked to play and frolic with Roo or Tigger and had none of the usual heffalump disposition to eat bees, honey, or small animals like Piglet. This was an even greater blow to the Hundred Acre Woods community because as a heffalump Lumpy was much larger and stronger than Rabbit. Even with his naivety, Lumpy should have been able to defend himself well enough to escape with his spine still intact.

“It was then I knew we had a serial killer on the loose,” Owl said, when interviewed. “Rabbit was a good person, but a hard person to deal with. He angered a lot of people over the years with his thoughts of superiority—not that he angered me, no, he felt that we were in a special class of our own, as we have always been the brains of the Woods—and I could suspend my disbelief long enough to think that someone had snapped and beaten him to death. The removal of his spine always bothered me. That just screamed serial killer to me. I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind though, because who wants to accuse their friends of such a monstrosity? But when Lumpy died… I knew my worst fears were correct.”

Any talk about a woozle coming in and killing Rabbit evaporated when Lumpy’s remains were found under a bridge near the bend in the river where Eeyore’s house was currently located. That made two murders where Eeyore was close at hand. For both times of death Eeyore had no alibi and the most damning evidence of all was that Lumpy’s blood was found on multiple sticks that made up the donkey’s home. Eeyore was arrested for murder.

“It was at that time a rumor about Rabbit fighting with Eeyore started,” Owl said. “Something about Eeyore wanting to rebuild his house near Rabbit’s garden and Rabbit chasing him off. In most accounts Rabbit even barraged Eeyore with vegetables, usually cabbages.”

“Eeyore was completely innocent,” Roo said. “He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hundred Acre Woods isn’t really one hundred acres; it’s a little less than seventy acres and that is not a large area. We were all practically in the wrong place at the wrong time. With his severe depression he just couldn’t give a proper argument in his own defense and the police jumped on that. Everyone was panicked and wanted blood. Eeyore was their scapegoat.”

The Director of Public Prosecutions charged him with the murders of both Rabbit and Lumpy on behalf of the Crown, despite no evidence directly linking him to Rabbit’s slaying. The solicitor for Eeyore’s case did little to help him and even referred to Eeyore as a murderer in a public statement. Considering how botched his defense was and the fact public opinion already had him tried and convicted, Eeyore’s catch phrase of “Why bother” seemed to sum up any attempt at saving his life.

Little Roo, Kanga’s son, was the only inhabitant of the Hundred Acre Woods who believed in the depressed donkey’s innocence. Even after Eeyore had immediately given up on his innocence Roo fought for him better than the solicitor had and won him bail just after the trial started.

“I never doubted his innocence. Even my mother didn’t believe in him, but she believed in my belief of him. Eeyore was always too sad to even hurt a fly.” It was at this point Roo broke down crying and could no longer continue the interview. He refused to comment any further, except to say, “That poor stupid donkey.” 

Most of Roo’s tears must lie in the fact that the freedom he won Eeyore was short lived. Eeyore was the third victim of the Spine Snapper, which is what the media dubbed this serial killer. He was killed in an even more brutal fashion than the first two, likely because of the misattributed murders. The Spine Snapper’s way of proving Eeyore’s innocence was deadly.

“It was a bad time,” Kanga said. “Nobody knew who the Spine Snapper was. People suspected everyone of being the murderer and no one wanted to be alone in case they were the next victim.” She shook her head. “Roo took it hard when the Crown did not issue an apology for accusing Eeyore of murder. They still haven’t… no, they still haven’t.”

Things came to a head three days later when a young girl, Darby, called the police. Emergency records indicate that she was franticly crying and said she was in mortal danger. The following is taken directly from the arresting officer’s report:

_When we arrived at Pooh Corner we found a young girl crying and badly beaten. She said he was inside and he had tried to kill her. He wanted her spine. We entered the premises and found the suspect standing in the center of the room. His muzzle and paws were bloody and his eyes were unfocused. The suspect suddenly moved in a threatening manner toward my partner and attacked. A struggled ensued. We subdued and then arrested him._

That suspect was Winnie-the-Pooh.

After his arrest Pooh was interviewed by the lead homicide inspector of the Spine Snapper case. Interview notes are transcribed below:

_Inspector: Why did you kill Rabbit?_  
 _Pooh: Rabbit wouldn’t give me honey. Not a smackeral._  
 _Inspector: Why did you kill Lumpy?_  
 _Pooh: He ate my honey._  
 _Inspector: Why did you kill Eeyore?_  
 _Pooh: [Hits side of head] Think, think, think._  
 _Inspector: Why did you try to kill Darby?_  
 _Pooh: She took Christopher Robin._  
 _Inspector: Did you kill and remove the spines of Rabbit, Lumpy and Eeyore?_  
 _Pooh: [faintly] Yes._

Friends had often said that Pooh bear had fluff where others had brains, but after he had admitted to serial murder, his solicitor’s only defense to keep Pooh from a death sentence was that he was not physically capable of understanding his actions; that he had undergone a psychotic break and could not be held accountable.

The Public Prosecutions argued that Pooh’s mental capacity was of no consequence. He should receive the death penalty for the gruesome vicious murders of three people and a fourth attempt. By law the bear should hang.

Pooh’s competency trial lasted for several months. Both sides made excellent cases, but after the verdict jurors said the defense’s closing argument decided the matter for them. It is repeated here:

_Ladies and Gentlemen, the Crown wants you to consider only one question: “Did Winnie-the-Pooh murder three people?” The answer is yes. What they don’t want you to consider is why. That bear seated before you was born mentally deficient. He has always needed someone to care for him and center his world. When Christopher Robin grew up and left this imbecile bear it shattered him. A boy named Sora briefly centered his world, but caused him even more harm when he left. By the time Darby came into his life, Pooh’s understanding of right and wrong had disintegrated and he could no longer control his actions. We help those who cannot help themselves and Pooh needs help. Punishment would not have the desired effect. Pooh is a bear of little brain. He should be safely put away for life where no harm will come to others. If you kill him you will be killing a child._

Thanks to this closing the jury ruled that Winnie-the-Pooh was could not be held accountable for his actions. Pooh received a life sentence in a maximum-security mental institution, where he still resides to this day.

After the verdict, all Pooh said, “Oh bother.”


End file.
